Can you feel my heart? 1
by Miss.Breakable Butterfly
Summary: " I want to eat your heart—" Then the music, the time and the universe begins. In that Yuri is foreign —but not really— and Yuuri does not know that to do with his feelings. Then they drink tea and everything is okay.


_Hello chocolate hearts. So, this is the first story in english that I write (my native language is spanish) and I'm really insecure about spelling and grammar; however, I hope it is acceptable enough and that you like it._

 _Any comments and suggestions are fully accepted._

 _P.S. This is a mental straw, of those born of insomnia, vodka and cigarettes._

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 ** _Disclaimer:_** Yuri! On Ice © Production MAPPA, directed by Sayo Yamamoto and written by Mitsuro Kubo. Everything that diverges from the canon is mine and is made without profit. Say no to plagiarism!

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 **Can you feel my heart?**

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 _by Miss._ _Breakable Butterfly_

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 ** _.X._**

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 _If tonight's our night, baby_

 _Just do not hurt me, do not hurt me_

 _I'll give you my heart_

 _If tonight's our night, baby_

 _Just do not hate me, do not hate me_

 _For taking your light._

\- _Frnkiero andthe Cellabration_

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 **i.**  
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" _I want to eat your heart..."_  
It's like the song, the time, the universe freezes.

And Yuuri chokes on tea and—  
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 **ii.**  
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Yuuri asks himself —although not really because he's not the kind of person to ask himself those questions—, when that's what started to feel that way.

Remember... the chirping of birds, the warm wind caressing her cheeks and the way the petals of cherry blossoms rained down on them.  
"It's beautiful," Yuri had murmured, his eyes fixed on the cherry trees and the way the sun seemed to envelop him in a halo.

His eyes had lit up and an almost childlike air had filled him. His smile had widened and two almost imperceptible dimples formed on his cheeks.  
"Come on, _Katsudon_ ," _Yurio_ suddenly said. The firm grip without any hesitation.  
The warm, smaller and softer hand against his feels good, so when he lets go he feels empty.  
"Come on... you have to catch me," Yuri suddenly starts, and hides behind one of the trees.  
The flowers continue to fall on them and settle in Yuri's hair like a wreath of flowers.  
"Come on—," he announces again and when she joins him, her laughter rises like wind chimes.

Try to reach it but... he turns and suddenly it is already on the opposite side. He looks like a forest fairy and he, the human who wants to trap him to get his favors.  
The green eyes shine like stars and Yuuri holds his breath.  
" _I want... I want... I..."_  
He pants and stops in the middle of the trees.  
"How slow you are," Yuri mocks and approaches, the smile has not left his lips at any time. "I think then I win... ah!"

He brags before releasing a scream when Yuuri throws himself on him and both fall to the ground. They roll a little and finally Yuuri is at the top.  
"I won," he announces, laughing until he realizes the position they have been in and the strange silence that seems to have broken loose. "Yuri—"

Sighs the name more than saying it and wants to embrace it, consume it, melt it and...  
"Weights, _pig,_ " Yuri complains and with a start he stands up. Red cheeks and accelerated breathing.  
"I'm sorry," he apologizes awkwardly and extends his hand to help him up; he almost sighs in relief when he accepts his help.  
"Idiot," Plisetsky mutters and feels guilty until: "and I won."  
"What?" He asks and smiles when the young Russian teaches his tongue and runs off. Yuri's pale cheeks colored like cherry.  
"What you heard," he laughs and they start again.  
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 **iii.**  
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The truth is that Yuri is a "child" with a heart full of tiny splinters and a huge sticker that strives to unite them.  
A "child", whose knees tremble when he is off the track and does not know how to relate to others without frowns and sharp words.  
Yuri is a soldier with porcelain bones and an arrogant smile trying to hide his fear of loneliness.  
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 **iv.**  
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He likes to observe it, he does it from the corner of his eye and swallows the sighs because it seems so far away.

Yuri is fifteen years old when he decides that he falls in love, it's shit. He watches him laugh and share sake with Victor and becomes enervated.

He is not used to the overwhelming sensation that seems to consume him and he wants to cry of frustration, anger, longing and that sticky thing that seems to want to eat him from the inside out.

He frowns and looks at them with resentment.

"You are an imbecile _Katsudon,"_ he says it to him and he chokes with the frustration, the sighs that he swallows and with the longing that seems to follow him everywhere. Yuuri looks at him confused, but still smiles at him and then asks himself —although he does not really do it because he is an imbecile and he "hates it"— as he will feel his hand getting tangled in his hair, laying his hand on his cheek and sighing his breath while feeling the softness of his lips.

Then Victor laughs and his cheeks get hot, he does not know if it's anger, frustration or embarrassment.  
Victor's eyes look at him with ill-concealed amusement and he only knows, that he knows and then he bites his lip to keep from crying when Yuuri's eyes go from one to the other without really understanding what's happening.

"I hate you," he murmurs and wants to hit Victor when he laughs harder, but when he chokes on his saliva he makes fun and only then does he feel a little better. However, the taste does not last long when the imbecile of the _Katsudon_ runs to help the old fool and everything starts again.  
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 **v.**  
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The truth is that Yuuri is an adult with a too big heart, formed with a lot of unequal chunks.  
He is an adult in gentle ways, trembling hands and fickle self-esteem, with dreams that are too big and that sometimes seem unattainable.  
Yuuri is an adult with warm bones and friendly smiles trying to understand what " _love" means._  
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 **vi.**  
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When Yuuri looks at _Yurio_ on the court —sometimes secretly and unintentionally, he swears—, his heart seems to slow down and suddenly plunge into a frantic race.

He likes the way his features soften when there is no one around him, the way his face is framed by the hair that has escaped the tight ponytail with which he initially began his training and the way that sticks the jumps, without hesitation.

He likes the way the dimples in his cheeks are barely noticeable when he smiles and the way his green eyes shine.

When Yuuri realizes what he's doing, he wants to cry because he's supposed to be training and trying to perfect his _Eros_ but... there he is, looking at a young boy eight years younger who would very likely be frightened and call him perverted if he knew who looks at it in " _that_ " way.

So, when Victor finally arrives, he smiles and pretends that the heart does not want to get out of his chest when Yuri's eyes meet his and there is still that lightness.

"You are late again," he accuses them and the lightness is gone; the frown settles on its characteristics and clicks the tongue.  
"Do not be bad _Yurio,_ you've been the one who has woken up very early." Victor makes a later applauds and: "anyway, why do not you start the day showing me the development of your presentations?"

Yuuri sighs and prepares for another day of failures. However, he looks enthralled at Yuri's interpretative manner. After that day in the waterfall something had changed.  
" _What is eros?"_ He wonders as he watches the subtlety and delivery of Yuri on the track.  
When it is his turn, he only knows that his heart could explode when for an ephemeral moment Yuri smiles at him.  
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 **vii.**  
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And it turns out that Yuri is the sun, with delicate features and sharper words than the blades of his skates. Yuri is the sun and Yuuri knows that he will finish burning one day.  
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 **viii.**  
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And Yuri just wants to wrap his hands in his hair, breathe his breath and get rid of dreams in black and white.

He wants to touch his hands and run his wrists because ...

" _What beautiful hands you have,"_ and go through the inside of your arms and let yourself be consumed by that slow fire that warms your blood and makes your body boil.

However, just frowns and watches him move his hips, raise his arms and try to nail the jumps.

The hair turned up and the breathing accelerated.  
The naivety almost palpable through his eyes and still feel the pleasure and _pain_... that promise each of his gestures.

And Yuri, chokes because if that's _eros..._ he...

"Yuuri!" Victor exclaims —and the charm is over—, while shaking his head. "You have to put more enthusiasm and... passion."

Yuuri nods nervously, the smile on his lips wobbles a little and Yuri just wants to kick Victor.  
Victor sighs and then his blue eyes look at him, shine with ill-concealed amusement.  
"It's your turn _Yurio,"_ pronuncia, the secret and funny smile that sends you exasperated.  
"Stop calling me that old," he announces but there is no real fury behind his words, even less when Yuuri smiles encouragingly; and although fatigue is reflected in his face, in his eyes there is something Yuri can not understand and—; "What?!"  
He snaps. The accelerated heart seems to want to escape from his chest through his mouth.  
"No-nothing." Yuuri denies, the voice slightly trembling, the blush coloring her cheeks for more than practice. And the brightness in his eyes stronger.  
They both stare at each other. Yuri as tense as a bowstring, hands clenched into fists and a defiant frown, _waiting_...  
Waiting for what... he has no idea and it does not matter because if it's Yuuri he...  
"Come on." Victor's voice breaks the moment and Yuri turns around with burning cheeks.  
It is positioned in its place and the music begins to sound.  
And when his second jump fails, he wants to pull his hair because it's just not fair, it's not fair.  
"Remember... find your _agape."_ Victor announces. Yuri clicks her tongue and wants to yell at him, " _What do you think I'm trying, old man?"_ But the words die in her throat when he looks at the soft and slightly worried way Yuuri looks at him.  
And there is simply no justice because, in short, feeling that way is a shit and even then he would hand over the sun.  
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 **ix.**  
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And it turns out, Yuuri is an angel with almost childlike ingenuity, warm hands and sweet smiles. Yuuri is an angel and Yuri knows that the day he takes off his wings will take away his heart.  
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 **x.**  
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Sometimes Yuuri remembers...  
The first time he felt a feeling like the one that seems to consume him at a slow fire and without truce.  
Remember Yūko's childish, light and carefree smile as he offered his hand that afternoon on the floor for the first time.  
Remember the overwhelming feeling of admiration the first time you watched Victor on the track.  
Remember the painful resignation when Yūko told him with the broadest smile that Nishigori had asked for a date.  
Remember the thrilling and unknown emotion the first time I kiss a girl.

Yuuri sometimes remembers and when he realizes that even so the emotion that fills him and consumes him is more overwhelming, he wants to cry because, only he would think to feel that for a "child".  
So, he swallows the sighs and the longing. It tears inside and smiles at him, _according_ to see him from afar.  
" _I want... I want..."_ but everything remains an insubstantial thought.  
So he prepares food and drinks with Victor and shelters between friendly gestures and trembling smiles.  
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 **xi.**  
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" _Icarus, do not fly so close to the sun!"_  
The warning comes high and clear but it is too late because he has already fallen.  
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 **xii.**  
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Yuri is not the most patient person in the when you're used to everything coming out the first time; not when you are used to demanding the best of yourself and others; not when from his early childhood he was educated to stand up no matter how hard the fall is.  
Then, of course, he despairs and tires of waiting and of that feeling that seems to drown him every time he has the " _Katsudon"_ nearby.

"Do you want some tea?" Yuuri asks. He is sweet, kind and Yuri has a great desire to scream or vomit.  
Instead he nods and watches him serve a cup.

"Where is Victor?" He asks when the silence is too thick.  
Yuuri jumps up a little almost choking on the tea, the blush coloring his cheeks.

"He went out to drink with Minako-sensei," he murmurs finally and Yuri nods.  
The silence is prolonged and...  
Yuri clicks his tongue because he has waited for a year, he has waited and wished that that thing that was unleashed inside him when Yuuri Katsuki entered his life disappeared but no.

"Fuck!" He murmurs and his eyes travel over his carefree face and totally oblivious to his inner crossroads. _"Katsudon_ _—"_

Almost sighs the name and when the eyes of Yuuri find theirs:  
" _I want to eat your heart_ _—_ I like you."

The words sound like a curse and Yuuri chokes on tea because Yuri simply can not have confessed to him or could he?

"W-what?" Proclaim with dry throat. Because Yuri is the sun, shining high in the sky and he is the earth revolving around him, drinking from his heat, but never too close.

"I like you," he repeats, frowning and red cheeks. "I like you _Yuuri."_

 _"Oh!"_ He exclaims, blinking fast and not believing it yet. However, he is startled when he looks at Yuri standing up. "Where are you going?"  
Yuri shrugs. The sharp sensation of desolation and rejection hammering hard against his chest.

"I—" the words die in her throat because although she never expected him to accept her feelings, she did not expect that unpleasant sensation either.  
He wants to cry and bury his face in his chest, _I love you ... I love you so much that it hurts when you're not around._ _I love you so much that I would make you crowns of stars and clothes with whole galaxies._  
But it's just a desire that swallows like the rest of his feelings.

"I like you too." Yuuri murmurs, the soft voice bouncing in space and time. When Yuri looks at him he thinks that perhaps he has imagined everything, however, Yuuri's shy and hesitant look gives him the answer.

" _Oh!"_ The expression leaves his lips before he can avoid it and then there he is! the warm and overwhelming feeling that makes you flutter your stomach, redden your cheeks and believe in angels with gentle smiles and gentle hands.  
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 **xiii.**  
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And Yuuri kisses him because someday he should have the initiative and Yuri seemed to be frozen, still not believing that his feelings were reciprocated.  
Outside, cherry petals rain and lips fill with honey and stars.  
The sound of a camera sounds forcing them to separate.  
"Oh! I forgot to turn off the sound," Victor complains childishly, before running to hug them. "My little students are growing!"  
"God, old man! Get away!" Shouts Yuri, however, makes no effort to let go. Not when one of your hands is busy clinging to one of the "Katsudon".  
"We should drink some sake to celebrate." Victor finally leaves his iron grip. "Well, only Yuuri and I, because you're still younger Yurio."  
"I'm not going to leave you alone with my _boyfriend,_ old man" the words come out fast and when he realizes what he just said he wants to melt against the wall or the when he watches the way Yuuri looks at him.  
"Oh!" Victor does not think twice before dragging Yuri into another relentless hug and therefore to Yuuri, which has not been released. "You are such a cute kitten."

It is spring whether the cherry petals rain when their love blooms.  
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 **xiv.**  
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" _I want to eat your heart_ _—"_  
 _"Just make sure you do it gently."_  
Then music, the time and the universe begins.

(And it turns out that ...  
 _Love_ sums everything up).

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 **End.**


End file.
